#31: Nguyen Thi Thuy Ngoc

[luvmyacnq]

Contestant #31: Nguyen Thi Thuy Ngoc
Quang Binh Highschool For The Gifted
Email: cunbong1991@yahoo.com.vn

I was born and grewup in Quang Binh where fulls sunshine, wind and white sand. The people work hard year around but their life is also difficult somuch.
Now, Viet Nam is developing quickly with industrialization and modernization career. And Quang Binh olso has many good occasions to improve economics and culture. But Quang Binh only has sure and lasting development when we have detailed projects and make available potentinalities suitably.
First of all, we need manpower who have high cultural and professional standards. We can invest to education by having suitable conditions for students to express themself. And we should have some school to train students when they was young. For example, Le Quy Don High school supplies great tallents for Da Nang City in the future. Morever, we olso should attract gifted person from other districts by treating high salary.
Next, we need to build material and structure facitilities which can change landscape of Quang Binh and olso attract foreign investments.
As we know Quang Binh has many famous wonders as Phong Nha cave, Da Nhay beach, Nhat Le beach, ...etc. And base on this available potentialities, we should invest to develope tourism that can introduce about Quang Binh with everybody and contibute in developing of Quang Binh.
I belive that Quang Binh will be known by people in the world with a development economics and beautiful culture.

sugar candy

[Smiley]

I was born and grewup (grew up) in Quang Binh where fulls sunshine, wind and white sand (, the place full of sunshine, wind and white sand). The people work hard year around but their life is also difficult somuch (their lives are so much difficult).
Now, Viet Nam is developing quickly with industrialization and modernization career (omit). And (omit) Quang Binh olso has many good occasions to improve economics and culture. But (Nevertheless,) Quang Binh only has sure and lasting (can only secure a strong and stable) development when we have detailed projects and make available potentinalities suitably (This phrase presents a very vague idea: I do not get what you mean. You should either omit the whole phrase or revise it. Also pay attention to the sentence structure.)
First of all, we need manpower who have high cultural and professional standards. We can invest to (in) education by having suitable conditions for students to express themself. And we should have some school to train students when they was young. For example, Le Quy Don High school supplies great tallents for Da Nang City in the future. Morever, we olso (also) should attract gifted person(s) from other districts by treating (offering them) high salary.
Next, we need to build material and structure (structural) facitilities which can change landscape of Quang Binh and olso (also) attract foreign investments.
As we know (,) Quang Binh has many famous wonders as (such as) Phong Nha cave, Da Nhay beach, Nhat Le beach, ...etc . And (again, do not start a sentence with a conjunction) base on this available potentialities, we should invest to develope (develop) tourism that can introduce about (omit) Quang Binh with (to) everybody and contibute (contribute) in developing (the development )of Quang Binh.
I belive (believe) that Quang Binh will be known by people in the world with a development (developing) economics and beautiful culture.

sugar candy

Comments:
- Double space between each paragraphs.
- Pay close attention to mistakes in spelling (throughout the whole essay), word choice, grammar.
- No conjunction ("but", "and") at the beginning of a sentence. You should use adverds like "However, Nevertheless" instead.
- In paragraph 2, you mentioned that we should invest in education and improve the educational environments for the students. Be more specific! You should give out more details in the proposal, like what programs/policy should be revised? Also, include your own story to make more essay more personal to the readers.
- The last sentence cannot make up your conclusion (a paragraph requires at least 3 sentences). Also, try to make a tight connection between your introduction and conclusion.

[luvmyacnq]

I just got this one, hope it's not the same

I was born and grew up in Quang Binh, the place fulls of sunshine, wind and white sand. The people work hard year around but their lives are so much difficult.
Now, Viet Nam is developing quickly with the industrialization and modernization. Quang Binh olso has many good occasions to improve and develop economics and culture. Nevertheless, Quang Binh will have a strong and stable develpment if we have detailed projects and a sound leadership.
I think that first of all, we need manpower who have high cultural and professional standards. We can inverst in education by having suitable conditions for students to express themself. We should have some school to train student when they was young. For example, Le Quy Don High school supplies great tallents for Da Nang City in the future. This is a modern school with advanced technology, their student are subsidize school fees. and after graduating in universties, they will come back Da Nang to work. At the moment, Quang Binh Gifted school is training good students of Quang Binh and we can inverst in Quang Binh Gifted school as Le Quy Don High school. Morever, we olso should attact gifted person from other districts by offering them high salary.
Next, we need to build material and structural facitilites which can change landscape of Quang Binh and olso attact foreign investments.
As we know, Quang Binh has many famous wonders such as Phong Nha cave, Nhat Le beach, Da Nhay beach,...ect. Base on the available potentialities, we should develop tourism that can introduce Quang Binh to everybody and contribute in the development of Quang Binh.
This is my idea about the development of Quang Binh . I believe that Quang Binh will be known by people in the world with developing economics and beautiful culture.
sugar candy