#040: Dinh Thi Thuy

[luvmyacnq]

April15,2008

Dear sir or madam,
I have just heard from my friends that there is An English Contest on QBO.So I would like to take part in the contest.I will introduce myself.
My name is Dinh Thi Thuy.I was born on May 22,1988.I am a student in class English 49 at Quang Binh University.I will have graduated from Quang Binh University in 2012.
Now,I live with my family in Loc Ninh village, Dong Hoi city.There are 4 people in my family.We are my parents, my sister and me.My parents are farmers.My mother is a good cooking .My sister a student at Dao Duy Tu High School.I love my family alot.
According to my friends Iam very friendly and helpful.I can speak English fluently.I can cook as well as my mother.My favourite food is beef noodles.I love chocolate. I can eat 20 bars of chocolate a day.I like reading book,shopping,watching TV,drawing ,listening to music,speaking English in my free time.I am scare of snakes and mice.It is terrible for me to see them.
Iam proud of Quang Binh province.I love Viet Nam.
Iam very happy to take part in the contest. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Thuy

[Riêng]

Result: Pass
Comment:

Dear Thuy,
Thank so much for your participation in our contest. You have quite a brief self-introduction essay which provide enough information about you to the readers. However, your essay's language is too simple, from the words to the sentences. Your essay is still lack of the impression and attraction as well as the fluency.

I suggest you reread your essay, pay more attention to your mistakes and try to connect your ideas, your sentences with more conjunctions to help your ideas go smoothly.

Moreover, basic grammar and dictation such as space in front of or behind the punctuation mark are very important in a formal writing. Please avoid them in the second round.

Thank you, with best regards.

April15,2008

Dear sir or madam,
I have just heard from my friends that there is A(do not capitalize)n English Contest on QBO. (One space, please)so I would like to take part in the contest. I will introduce myself (or you can say a little bit more like: Hereafter, I would like to introduce myself).
My name is Dinh Thi Thuy. (One space, please) I was born on May 22, 1988. I am a student in English 49 class at Quang Binh University.I will have graduated (or just simply saying "I will graduate") from Quang Binh University in 2012.
Now, I am living with my family in Loc Ninh village, Dong Hoi city. There are 4 people in my family: my parents, my sister and me. My parents are farmers. My mother is a good cooking and my sister is a student at Dao Duy Tu High School. I love my family a lot.

According to my friends, Iam very friendly and helpful. I can speak English fluently. I can cook as well as my mother and my favourite food is beef noodles. I also love chocolate and I can eat 20 bars of chocolate a day. I like reading books, shopping, watching TV, drawing, listening to music and speaking English in my free time. I am scared horrible animals such as snakes and mice .
I (one space here please) am proud of Quang Binh province and I love Viet Nam so much.
I (one space here please)am very happy to take part in the contest.

I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Thuy