#123: Vo Thanh Tam

[Tam_2407]

I was born and grew up in the central of Viet Nam where is sumy and sandy.Especially,my fatherlannd is suffered from the hot and dry westesly wind from laos .When I was a child,Ioften grazed buffaloas with my friends,played wih kites .The time went by ,Igrew my teacher is lesson,my mother is advices.Thank to these ,I became a student of Quang binh of University

Iwas born on febuary 15th,1988,ih Nam Trach commune,Bo Trach district ,Quang Binh province.Ihave overcome all difficulties,strive for success for 20 year .Iwas not as lucky as a child who lives in a big city ,my childhood always attached to the rice field .I found the happiness in worling and learning .Itry my best to learn my major well.I realise only by lea
rning,we can contri bute our land and get rid of the poverty out of our country.

I am not interested in playing gane as many childrenin my ages .Thank to my teacher at number1 of Bo Trach district,I got a lot of knowledge so that I can be like that ,In my opinion ,learning at college is the best road lead us to success.This,I spend time confidence will on learning.Hinally,the dreame is not dreamy,my dream to become a teacher is coming true,If I werw a teacher .I would tell my phpils:'The life is not only hard and difficult but also lovely beautiful.You must have confidence and energy to ger over".I would tell them about a lot of pages literature are watery tear,instruct them how to learn literature.Moreover,I would teach them about our own resplendent history so as to be honour and proud of .I wish I would be a good teacher ,would go to the remote vilages.To dedicate,to share with them difficulties.I would like thoing with the people of ethnic minority to know their custom and culture.

That is all my dream that will be come true in the near future.In oeder to ho this ,I mist try to learn,exert my strength to win and get the success.

[Thiên Bình]

Contestant #123: Vo Tam Thanh
Subject: QBO-EWC Introduction
Score: Pass

Corrections & Suggestions:

I was born and grew up in the central of Viet Nam where it is sumy (sunny) and sandy. Especially, my fatherlannd (fatherland) is suffered (has been suffering) from the hot and dry westesly (western, “westerly” is an adverb to a movement and it means moving towards the west and not moving from the west) wind from laos (Capitalize proper noun). When I was a child, I often grazed buffaloas (buffaloes) with my friends, (replace the comma with "and") played wih (typos) kites. The (As) time went by, I grew up from my teacher is (teacher’s) lesson, my mother is (mother’s) advices. Thanks to these (them), I became a student of Quang binh of University

I was born on febuary (February) 15th, 1988, ih (typo) Nam Trach commune, Bo Trach district ,Quang Binh province. I have overcome all difficulties, and have strived for success for (within the past) 20 years. I was not as lucky as a child who lives in a big city,(;) my childhood always attached to the rice field. I found the (omit) happiness in worling (working) and learning. I try my best to learn my major well. I realise (realize that) only by learning, we can contribute to our land and get rid of the poverty out of (within, preposition miss use) our country.

I am not interested in playing gane (games) as (like) many children in (of) my ages (no “s”). Thanks to my teacher at number1 of Bo Trach district, I got a lot of knowledge so that I can be like that,(period) In my opinion, learning at college (receiving a college education) is the best road that can lead us to success. This(Therefore), I spend time confidence will on learning (concentrating on my studying). Hinally (Finally), the dreame (dream) is not dreamy (realistic), my dream to become a teacher is coming true,(period) If I werw (were) a teacher. (,)I would tell my phpils: (pupils or students that) 'The (“)life is not only hard (tough) and difficult but also lovely and beautiful. You must have confidence and energy to ger over”. (over come the obstacles.”) I would tell them about a lot of pages literature are watery tear, instruct them how to learn literature. (I would teach them the many pages of tear-jerking literature.) Moreover, I would teach them about our own (repetitive, omit “own”) resplendent history so as to (that we can) be honour (honor) and be proud of our heritage. I wish I would be a good teacher,(omit comma) so that I would go to the remote vilages (villages).(omit period) To (to) dedicate, (replace comma with “and”) to share with them difficulties (word choice: my experiences). I would like thoing (typo, “to work” would work here) with the people of ethnic minority to know their custom and culture.

That is all (omit) my dream and I know that it will be (omit) come true in the near future. In oeder (order) to ho (do) this, I mist (must) try to learn, exert my strength to win and get the success.

Comments:
You have a lot of spacing and typing errors. I have automatically fixed the spacing for you for grading convenience. Please pay attention to those errors next time because it is very important to the overall layout of your paper. There are some incorrect usages of preposition and punctuation. Pay attention to your verb tense when using parallelism. Some sentences are still very confusing to me, which I am hesitant to let you pass onto the next round. However, since the main purpose of this competition is to promote English learning. I want to give you another chance to improve your writing because you have a good content in your introduction. However, be sure to take note of all the changes that I’ve suggested. Good Luck. – Thiên Bình